The Grass is Always Greener On The Other Side…

Folks – I am reposting this article from June last year… perhaps it may help some of you as you are facing your challenges this week. Wishing you all the best for your week, Jean.
I think that there is a lot of debate on the subject of whether or not the grass is always greener on the other side. Have you caught yourself going down this path? Ever have a friend speak to you about all the reasons why the grass is greener over there? Erma Bombeck, a humorous author writes, “The grass is always greener over the septic tank!” Now that might be taking it a little bit to an extreme.

Seriously, the reason why I wanted to write this article is because I wanted to explore people’s perceptions on change and whether or not there is a specific underlying behavior pattern at play. After you read the article, I would truly welcome your discussion on the subject at hand.

On the Job

Have you ever had a coffee with colleagues and the conversation turns into a downward spiral of comments describing everything wrong with your current employer? Do you find yourself saying, “It wasn’t like this (insert timeframe here) years ago. When we started it was like (insert your description of nirvana here).” The thinking progresses. You start to wonder, “Are there better opportunities out there compared to this one?” After this conversation, did you find yourself wondering, what else can I be doing? Maybe I need to go look for another job. Then your mind does a miraculous thing. It starts to filter and simplify things in order to make sense of our experience. Typically we tend to simplify it in three ways: by deleting (leaving information out), generalizing (making broad or universal claims on the basis of limited information), or distortion (creating meaning by

life as we see it…

Before fixing what you are looking at, check what you are looking through…  

Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, May 7th

Last year, one of my colleagues introduced me to this book by Mark Nepo called The Book of Awakening. It is a “day book” that gives the reader something to contemplate each day. In this entry, he speaks about how we see the world using the example of his grandmother looking out through her only window and complaining about how gray the day was, only to realize that the window was dirty. When he discovered this, his grandmother with humor stated, “Got a dirty eye, see a dirty world….”

Whether it is a dirty window, a pair of glasses with smudges or reflections of something else, or a mood that affects everything that happens to us, he offers a reminder that we see the world as we choose to see it.

openness

The peace that we are looking for is not peace that crumbles as soon as there is difficulty or chaos. Whether we are seeking inner peace or global peace or a combination of the two, the way to experience it is to build on a foundation of unconditional openness to all that arises. Peace isn’t an experience free of challenges, free of rough and smooth, it’s an experience that’s expansive enough to include all that arises without feeling threatened… Pema Chöndrön

Looking Ahead to the New Year?

2011, Year of the Rabbit

The New Year is beginning. For some of us, the New Year started on January 1st, for others it starts today with the Chinese New Year (February 3, 2011). It is a time of reflection for many of us, about the year that has closed and about the changes that we want to make in our lives in the coming year. It is a time of opportunity as well, because prospects of facing a new year can provide us with the motivation to mobilize. It gives us the feeling that we can make a fresh start or adjustments to ourselves if we have the desire and will to do so.

How many of you have made up your New Year’s resolutions? Now that we are starting February, how many of those are fading away already? Whether you have already done so or not, I would like to I invite you to take a deeper look as you contemplate the resolutions and the changes that you want to make in the coming year.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Sometimes Fade Away

Letting go of anger

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else… you are the one who gets burned… Buddha

When was the last time that you felt yourself getting angry with someone? A colleague? Your partner? Your son or daughter? Yourself? How did it feel at the time? As you think about the events that played out, would you like to find different ways to manage through the situation for a more satisfying and productive outcome?  In this article, I would like to explore what are your choices in reacting to anger once it is triggered. By understanding what is going on inside us and around us, we have more choices on how we can manage or express our anger.

you are the author…

Watch your thoughts,
they become words.

Watch your words,
they become actions.

Watch your actions,
they become habits.

Watch your habits,
they become your character.

Watch your character,
it becomes your destiny.

Buddhist philosophy

 

This very simple Buddhist philosophy is a great reminder that there is only one person who is the author your life. It’s you. While there are many events and other players in the story, our thoughts and beliefs drive our behaviors, and our choices drive our actions and ultimately our destiny. With any change one tries to make in their life, it is important to gain awareness of what is going on inside of you that drives these behaviors. Usually there is a reason for anything we do. Rewriting the foundation beneath the behaviors helps drive lasting and sustainable improvement. If you are interested in learning more, contact me for a free trial session to see how coaching might help you gain the insight to drive positive change in your life and career.

The Serenity Prayer

I have used this countless times to reflect in order to move forward.  It’s Monday, so perhaps it may help some of you out there today !

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

on Achievements & Appreciation, by Amelia Earhart

photo: F. Leonardi

“The more one does and sees and feels, the more one is able to do, and the more genuine may be one’s appreciation of fundamental things like home, and love, and understanding companionship.”

Amelia Earhart (1897 – missing 1937)

Faith poem, by Patrick Overton

photo: F. Leonardi

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have

and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,

you must believe that one of two things will happen:

There will be something solid for you to stand upon,

or, you will be taught how to fly.

Patrick Overton

“I’m sorry, but…”

Learning to Apologize

When was the last time you had a situation arise at home or at the office that ended in a less than desirable way? How did you handle it? Did you think about all the things that the other person did that was wrong? Did you contemplate what was your part in this interaction? Did you decide to forget about the situation and just move on?

It’s interesting that in most cultures, we say I am sorry or apologize for many little things, whether it is for interrupting someone mid-sentence or stepping into their path in a hallway. For example, in Japan, we say we are sorry if we are about to eat first or leave the room. But when it comes to apologizing for something important with people we care about or those we rely upon at work, we seem to choke on the words. And if we manage to give an apology, it is often immediately followed by an explanation of why we did it. “I’m sorry, but….” The end effect is that we are really good at apologizing for things that are trivial, but for the people that really matter, our attempt at making an apology doesn’t really have an impact. In the end, we risk losing a piece of the goodwill in our relationships that can have a lasting effect in the long run.

competitveness and self-awareness

Competitiveness seems can be perceived as normal for anyone on the job. It can be perceived as a sign that someone is doing all that they can to do to do the best job. Other times it can create barriers to trust and leave your colleagues wondering if you are on the same team (or out for your own agenda). I think that this behavior can also be perceived differently when exhibited by men or by women. While the behavior can be perceived as natural when exhibited by men, women who are competitive usually get some additional (and unflattering) labels attached to them at the first sign of competitiveness. When competitiveness becomes associated with you as a negative identity label, it can be coming from a behavior that you exhibit or it can come from others

on managing conflict

When was the last time you had a tense situation or conflict arise at work? A comment made by someone at a meeting, and email received that really affected you. Think about that situation for a moment. Did you send an email copying 15 other people on your position? Or did you make a sarcastic comment in response? Whether in the office or at home, managing conflicts is an issue that faces most people on a daily basis. Were you less than satisfied on how you handled yourself? Or do you feel you did everything right, yet the outcome was less than optimal? Managing through conflicts isn’t really about who is right or who is wrong. It’s about finding

“The Grass is Always Greener” Vs. Growth, Curiosity, and Living Your Values

I think that there is a lot of debate on the subject of whether or not the grass is always greener on the other side. Have you caught yourself going down this path? Ever have a friend speak to you about all the reasons why the grass is greener over there? Erma Bombeck, a humorous author writes, “The grass is always greener over the septic tank!”  Now that might be taking it a little bit to an extreme.

Seriously, the reason why I wanted to write this article is because I wanted to explore people’s perceptions on change and whether or not there is a specific underlying behavior pattern at play. After you read the article, I would truly welcome your discussion on the subject at hand.

On the Job

Have you ever had a coffee with colleagues and the conversation turns into a downward spiral of comments describing everything wrong with your current employer? Do you find yourself saying, “It wasn’t like this (insert timeframe here) years ago. When we started it was like (insert your description of nirvana here).” The thinking progresses. You start to wonder, “Are there better opportunities out there compared to this one?” After this conversation, did you find yourself wondering, what else can I be doing? Maybe I need to go look for another job. Then your mind does a miraculous thing. It starts to filter and simplify things in order to make sense of our experience. Typically we tend to simplify it in three ways: by deleting (leaving information out), generalizing (making broad or universal claims on the basis of limited information), or distortion (creating meaning by

inner strength and being loved

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,

choices and values

a reminder that I always have choices and that the power to act on these choices are in my hands… enjoy!

We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices. We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform. Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we’ve selected to govern our lives. In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make… Benjamin Franklin, Founding Father and 6th President of the United States (1706 – 1790)

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are…Roy E. Disney, younger brother of Walt Disney (1893 – 1971)

Life is a sum of all your choices… Albert Camus, Author & Philosopher (1913 – 1960)